Marriage Could Turn Out To Be A Nightmare If…



Last Sunday, I received a phone call from an acquaintance who wanted me to intervene in a marital squabble with her husband. Incidentally, I have lost count of the number of times I have been invited to intervene in their quarrels. Sincerely, I do not like having direct involvements in marital affairs, just like I don’t like people involving themselves in mine. I prefer a medium such as what I am doing now, to do that.
What really annoyed me most was that, as in the past, what caused the quarrel was so minor as to make the husband throw out her things and ask her to go back to her family. I was so upset. Sadly, their seven months old baby was caught in the middle of what I chose to call “immaturity in marriage.”

By the grace of God, my marriage will be six years old in September this year. Glory to God 🙂 I can never claim to have a perfect marriage to be a “marriage counselor.” But sincerely, I have learnt a lot in this one-of-a-kind “school” called marriage, to be able to share a few tips, targeted, mainly to those who are planning to get married some day in the near future. However, if you are married, going through my tips will certainly be rewarding.

Marriage is a sweet experience; but where the “rules” are treated with insignificance, or were the man and woman chose not to play by the “rules,” it could just be a prolonged nightmare, so horrifying that it could  scare (and have been scaring) single ladies and guys away from it.

Here are a few tips (just 14, to avoid a long list) I have been able to gather in this one-of-a-kind “school” called marriage….

1. Commit your marriage into the hands of God. God knows the past, present and future of your relationship.

2. The immediate thing that happens after marriage is that “I” and “my” ceases to be a priority. “We” and “our” becomes a priority in all that you do.

3. As a matter of “MUST,” you have to adjust your relationship with your male friends and female friends, especially your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend (as the case may be), to reflect your new status.

4. Do unto your spouse as you would have him/her do unto you.

5. Generally, it is being said that men are the heads of the family. I agree. However, note that a good family head MUST be caring, considerate and supportive to the wife.

6. One big mistake a man can make is to insist on a master-servant relationship between himself and his wife.

7. Every spouse loves a humble spouse. Pride stinks !!! It is the single most powerful home-destroyer !!!

8. If a man wants to show that he has power, he should not show it on the wife, he should go and sign up with World Wrestling Federation 🙂

9. As much as you can, keep your marital problems away from outsiders.

10. Strive to be the best husband (or wife) in the world and the best father (or mum) in the world when you start having children.

11. The worst solution to any marital problem is a separation or divorce, especially where you have children.

12. Read my post on 15 wrong reasons to get married.

13. Tolerance, perseverance, understanding, endurance, patience, slow-to-anger and over-looking of trivial issues, are traits spouses MUST imbibe.

14. A 24-hour communication must exist between spouses. Talk to each other. Do not be a boring spouse. Do not make your spouse seek who to share her thoughts with from outside. Do not hide your grievances from each other. Do not bottle up your thoughts towards each other.

In most cases, marriages are what the spouses make them to be !

May the Lord bless us all with marital bliss 🙂

Thanks for your time 🙂

Other related posts :

Searching for true love

The travails of an aging single lady

The Travails Of An Aging Single Lady !


Image courtesy

On my way back from work yesterday, I overheard a discussion between two ladies – one apparently married and the other a single. The married lady seemed not to be happy over her friend’s choice of partner. According to her, he does not suit her status – academically and financially. But in response, the single lady unconsciously exclaimed : “am 42 for crying out loud!” Her exclamation actually aroused the attention of everybody in the bus. She added: “I know how long it took me to pin down this one.” From their discussion, it was revealed that the lady was actually older than her partner by seven years ! She raised serious issues like early menopause and shame as some of the her reasons. She also said her younger sisters are all married.

Cases like this abound everywhere – that is, true love being relegated to insignificance in crucial circumstances such as this. Then I asked : how long will this relationship last? Can a relationship whereby a lady has to “pin down” a guy for fear of waiting for so long again really stand the test of time? Will the guy not wake up one day and suddenly discover that he has been dating, or got married (if they eventually do) to his big “aunt”? What’s the point dating or getting married to someone without any iota of love existing between them? Is it a crime to be single? I am not aware of any law in the world that makes spinsterhood or bachelorhood a crime. I am only aware of societal and family pressures. Are these enough for a man or woman to place himself/herself on a life-time of  “what did I do to myself?”

Too many questions already; yet I have more : which is better? – to stay single and be relatively happy or to “force” oneself into a relationship or marriage because of the age factor and then live a life of regrets? Well, in my own opinion, divorce is a whole kettle of problems on its own!

No doubt, my questions appear “simple”; but I know that they are questions, which, if not prayerfully handled can put one’s life through installment death! They are questions which an affected person needs the help of someone who knows the beginning and the end of every relationship. Such a person should be able to give an advice that can NEVER lead to regrets.
This is where God Almighty comes in. He is a perfect decision maker – no mistakes, no regrets, perfect timing and He knows your partner inside out. In these days of insincerity in relationships, one can do with some help from this omnipresent and caring father.

Choosing a life-time partner is one of the most delicate decisions that we all have to make in our journey through life. It calls for a lot of caution, wisdom and very importantly, a lot of prayers. When mistakes are made the consequences are usually not pleasant. The only people who would agree to this are those who are right now saying “had known” or “Lord, quickly bring this nightmare to an end.”

God really cares for us if we seek His help in ALL circumstances. It requires a deliberate hand-over of our affairs to Him. And what do you get in return…

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jere 29:11)

So, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” (Psalm 37:5)

God bless us all.

Related posts:

The malaise called delayed marriage

Divorce and separation : The fate of children

Searching for true love


Searching For True Love ?

Image courtesy photostock/

Image courtesy photostock/

I watched an interview granted by two octogenarians who had been married for over 50 years. Yeah…50 years !!!  Holding hands throughout the interview, they looked like today’s lovers whose relationship had just started.

Fifty years is quite a long time. What is s the secret? Their answer included perseverance, tolerance, no materialism, contentment, patience, trust, constant communication, sincererity to one another …. And to sum it all, TRUE LOVE – straight from the heart.

Over time, I have been searching for the real definition of true love. Dictionaries have not really helped.  I have heard two people say I love you to each other. Not too long they were separated. How come the ‘’love’’ could not keep them together. Or could it be said that some type of love does not include endurance and tolerance. Does a guy or lady really want to say ‘I love’ when they actually wanted to say ‘I like you or I admire you?’ It goes to show that so many of us do not actually know the real meaning of love. How do you explain a situation where a couple constantly fight, curse, pack out and park in, cheat on each other, and yet you still hear them say to each other ‘I love you’.

A pastor friend told me of a marriage that lasted for just eight hours. Yes! Eight hours. Eight hours earlier, I believed they had said   ‘I love you’ to each other. Celebrities are the worse hit of this so-called kind of love. Did you observe that after all the glamour and media hype that usually goes with most celebrities’ wedding, it usually does not last? The reason is not hard to deduce – the ‘I love you’ they said to each other were simply different from the one that can keep a couple together till death do them apart.

The result of being unable to draw a thick line between pure love, infatuation, admiration, love-with-a-motive and love-with-a-reason, are not pleasant : heartbreaks, depression, mental issues, polygamy and even bigamy, breakups, divorce, single parentage and sometimes death!!!

I might not be able to give a a generally acceptable definition of love, but one thing I know too well is that love does not come from the mouth /lips ; it comes from the heart. Love is based on nothing. True love should not be traceable to anything. It can be likened to the pure and unconditional love of God, which is shown on all despite tribe, gender, religion or even level of sins committed. If love is based on something, then it will fade away as soon as that thing is no more there. If it is love-with-a-mission, it comes to an end as soon as the mission is either aborted or accomplished. If it is material love, it will fade away as soon as your satisfaction reaches a climax, and there is nothing new anymore.

So, my advice is simple : do not settle for the love that comes from the lips. It will NOT last. When true love comes, even your heart will jump for joy, because true love comes from the heart – pure and real.

And if you believe in God almighty, be prayerful, because God answers prayers. He is the only one who has the ability to search the darkest corners of your partner’s heart, and guide you appropriately. There is so much deception everywhere these days. It takes the amazing grace of God to find the ‘flesh of my flesh, and ”the bones of my bones.” I have been deceived before for four and a half years by a lady who appeared like a saint. She was a ‘smooth operator’. I caught her red handed four times with another guy!!!  I forgave her each time. Yet she professed love. It took dedicated prayers to bring down the ‘’walls of Jericho’’ that she apparently and unknowingly was.

So you see that it takes the amazing grace and mercies of God not to be a victim of  the so-called love that comes from the lips – the type that is very common these days.

It is my prayer that you find true love … if you are searching for one.