Handling Outsider Involvement In Marriages


A neighbour of mine approached me and told me how lucky I was to have a very good wife. I smiled and asked him how he knew I had a good wife. He said he has never heard us quarrel before. I smiled at him again and asked him : “do you know why you have never heard us quarrel before?” He said he knew – that my wife is very good in all respects. I burst into laughter and then asked him : “do you know that we quarrelled this morning?” There was this expression of shock on his face. He exclaimed: “it’s a lie!” I told him that we quarrel just like every other couple does, but when we do, we keep it within us. So, the reason why he has never seen us quarrel in our five years of being neighbours, was obviously because we did not want him or anybody for that matter, to know about our problems. In his own case, he is fond of taking their quarrel outside to the full view of ever attentive neighbours. The one that touches me me most is how the children beg their parents, in tears, to “sheath their swords.”

I once had a very bitter experience about two years ago. I had a quarrel with my wife, disregarding the presence of my then 3 year+ son. I noticed tears in his eyes and still ignored him. He walked up to me and put his hand on my lap while looking up to my face. He did not utter a sound. But his silence spoke his mind. I felt a strong guilt give me a “hot slap.” Instantly, we (me and my wife) kept quiet. I carried him up and took him to the balcony and pacified him. That incident marked a turning point in my life. I vowed to myself that no matter what, I would never quarrel with my wife again in the presence of my kids. So, it comes back to keeping my quarrels between me and my wife.

Still keeping marital problems between partners, one of the greatest destroyers of families is outsider influence! For God’s sake, what makes a man or woman think that the person that they are telling about their marital problems does not have a greater problem that is yet to be resolved? What makes them even think that the “problem solver” really cares or means well for the troubled marriage? I have heard of a case of a woman who was stylishly kicked out of her matrimonial home by the same person she was always running to each time she had a problem with her husband.

As for couple’s parents, I see it as a sign of immaturity, as far as marriage is concerned, where a man or woman is so quick to run to his or her parents to report their partners.

One of my wife’s greatest sins against me is to involve outsiders in our marital problems. This she knows. Outsiders can never love a marriage more than the couple themselves.

The only person I trust and I am sure can completely and perfectly heal any marital problem, without any regrets and hidden agenda is God almighty.

In extreme cases, a well trusted man of God can be involved. However, I doubt if I would ever do this anyway.

So, for me, my marital problems stays between me and my wife….and God.
Why ? Read this : “Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the Lord!” (Isaiah 31:1)

A word is enough for the wise.

Thanks for your time.

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