The Travails Of An Aging Single Lady !

travails

Image courtesy FreeDigitalPhotos.net/
imagerymajestic

On my way back from work yesterday, I overheard a discussion between two ladies – one apparently married and the other a single. The married lady seemed not to be happy over her friend’s choice of partner. According to her, he does not suit her status – academically and financially. But in response, the single lady unconsciously exclaimed : “am 42 for crying out loud!” Her exclamation actually aroused the attention of everybody in the bus. She added: “I know how long it took me to pin down this one.” From their discussion, it was revealed that the lady was actually older than her partner by seven years ! She raised serious issues like early menopause and shame as some of the her reasons. She also said her younger sisters are all married.

Cases like this abound everywhere – that is, true love being relegated to insignificance in crucial circumstances such as this. Then I asked : how long will this relationship last? Can a relationship whereby a lady has to “pin down” a guy for fear of waiting for so long again really stand the test of time? Will the guy not wake up one day and suddenly discover that he has been dating, or got married (if they eventually do) to his big “aunt”? What’s the point dating or getting married to someone without any iota of love existing between them? Is it a crime to be single? I am not aware of any law in the world that makes spinsterhood or bachelorhood a crime. I am only aware of societal and family pressures. Are these enough for a man or woman to place himself/herself on a life-time of  “what did I do to myself?”

Too many questions already; yet I have more : which is better? – to stay single and be relatively happy or to “force” oneself into a relationship or marriage because of the age factor and then live a life of regrets? Well, in my own opinion, divorce is a whole kettle of problems on its own!

No doubt, my questions appear “simple”; but I know that they are questions, which, if not prayerfully handled can put one’s life through installment death! They are questions which an affected person needs the help of someone who knows the beginning and the end of every relationship. Such a person should be able to give an advice that can NEVER lead to regrets.
This is where God Almighty comes in. He is a perfect decision maker – no mistakes, no regrets, perfect timing and He knows your partner inside out. In these days of insincerity in relationships, one can do with some help from this omnipresent and caring father.

Choosing a life-time partner is one of the most delicate decisions that we all have to make in our journey through life. It calls for a lot of caution, wisdom and very importantly, a lot of prayers. When mistakes are made the consequences are usually not pleasant. The only people who would agree to this are those who are right now saying “had known” or “Lord, quickly bring this nightmare to an end.”

God really cares for us if we seek His help in ALL circumstances. It requires a deliberate hand-over of our affairs to Him. And what do you get in return…

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jere 29:11)

So, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” (Psalm 37:5)

God bless us all.

Related posts:

The malaise called delayed marriage

Divorce and separation : The fate of children

Searching for true love

 

The Malaise Called Delayed Marriage

At 46, she is a very successful business woman. She lives in her own house and an eye-popping one at that. She shuttles the globe like the President of a country. She is everything that can pass for a beauty queen. She wines and dines with very cute looking guys and very successful ones at that. She moves like a model doing the winning moves.

Image courtesy David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There is this other guy who is a very successful banker. He has a fleet of eye-popping cars and lives in one of the posh neighborhoods of Lagos, Nigeria. He is always being seen with very pretty ladies. Like the lucky lady above, he is well connected. He is 51 years old.

The story of these two ‘’lucky’’ people reminds me of the popular soap ’the rich also cry.’’ In the midst of their splendor lies pain and sadness which can only be felt and appreciated when you get so close to them and start discussing about life outside glamour and affluence. Then they make you realize what they go through in theie quiet moments.

Sadly, both of them have not been able to find a man and woman, respectively, that they can call their own. The case of the lady is worse, as she has hit menopause – the much dreaded part of a woman’s life when she still wants her own babies, but cannot get pregnant anymore, as a result of the cessation of ovulation.

Delayed marriages or unending singlehood is common place globally. No doubt, some people prefer being single parents. That too will not have been the case if the single parent had found someone he or she can live with as wife and husband, respectively.

Of all the problems associated with delayed marriages or unending singlehood, the most embarrassing is societal view of an ’aged’’ single man or woman. He or she is seen as a no-good man or woman who cannot be accepted either way. In some settings, he or she is seen as probably having spiritual problem that needs to be cleansed before all can be well with such a person.

At the family front, the parents are seriously agitated. In African settings, the desire for grandchildren is usually a source of worry for the parents.

The greatest pain actually dwells in the heart of those who are actually directly involved with this problem, especially the women who are usually ”racing against time.”

What could make these two ‘’lucky’’ people and millions of other men and ladies with varied ‘’qualifications,’’ find it so hard to get someone to get married to.

Overtime, I have been able to gather a few likely reasons which may actually be the case with someone you may know out there. Read on:-

REPELLING CHARACTERS. Some men and women have characters which tend to send people away. People actually come close only to discover that they have characters that are hard to cope with. Such repelling characters include pride, arrogance and strong penchant for rudeness. I can never marry a lady that has these characters as her talentsIt will be a tension-soaked marriageA woman with pride cannot possess the golden attribute of submissiveness. It would be very hard to cope with a proud and arrogant wife. The characters are so irritating. Such a lady sees herself as superior or on the same level with a man. Such a lady will find it very difficult to do house chores and take good care of the kids when they eventually come. She will be the type of lady that will talk back at the man and will be very rude at the slightest provocation. Such a lady will find it very difficult to keep a long relationship. Men will come, but they will not stay as they will not want a life-time of marital squabble.

Pride in a man can also be an impediment against having a life time relationship. Even though submissiveness is required of the woman, usurpation of power by the man is an enemy of a long-lasting relationship. Some men are known to be naturally proud and arrogant. They carry themselves as the boss-man. These kind of man could be very troublesome and very difficult to cope and live with for a life time.

LACK OF CONTENTMENT.  This is peculiar to both sexes. A man or woman who keeps on changing partners each time he or she sees a ‘’better’’ person, will find it very hard to settle down. One fact is indisputable about human beings – you will always find someone ‘’better’’ than your partner either in terms of beauty, education, family background, character and what have you. A man or lady who really wants to get married must be able to resist the temptation of running after the better person and abandon the existing partner. Where this resistance is impossible, such an individual will definitely find it difficult to settle down.

BEING TOO SELECTIVE. This is another enemy of early marriage. I know some single ladies and men alike, who are too selective. They find fault(s) in every man or woman (as the case might be) that come their way and give reasons why he or she is not the ideal man or woman. They give excuses like colour of eye balls, complexion, height, intonation, countenance, education, religion, poor dress sense, family background, and state of origin or region, among others.  These selective tendencies have made a lot of single to unknowingly by-pass their Mr. Right or Miss Right.

ATTAINMENT OF COMFORT. I know ladies and guys alike who want to achieve some level of comfort before they settle down. This applies to the men more. Men usually want to achieve some level of economic comfort before they settle down. Sadly, these expected comfort sometime take years to achieve. Invariably, marriage is delayed until the desired level of comfort is achieved. Some ladies do  the same. Their argument is usually that they do not want to be too reliant on their husbands when they eventually get married. This search for economic freedom deprives these ladies of so many years they would have spent as married women.

EDUCATION. Some men and women resolve not to get married until they have attained a desired level of

education. For the ladies, the argument is usually that once they get married, schooling might be difficult and slowed down.

PENCHANT FOR PROMISCUITY. When a man or woman has a knack for promiscuity, settling down early might be one of the last things on his or her agenda. The freedom which single hood provide would not allow such a man or woman to be in a hurry to get married. Even when they get married, adultery could eventually lead to a collapse of the marriage.

FEAR OF FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES. Marriage confers huge responsibilities on both the man and the woman. Some guys and ladies are certainly not ready to take up any of such responsibilities. For the man or woman who has been used to spending all his or her income on himself or herself, adjusting to a new status would require some determination.

UNATTRACTIVE LOOKS.  Naturally, sadly, some guys and ladies have the problem of unattractive looks. This is natural and beyond the control of neither the man nor the woman.

The list above is not exhaustive.

LACK OF FUNDS. Some men have the difficulty in raising funds for the the marriage. This problem is  more pronounced in some African settings where traditional marriages are very expensive. This has forced some men to remain single for so long, against their wishes.

A read through of these issues will show that they are controllable, i.e., surmountable if the persons involved are really willing. It simply requires the persons involved to trace and discover the ”problem.” It simply involves identifying the impediment and attacking it head on. This requires a very strong resolve to settle down against all odds.

If you ask me, it is good to marry early.

 Thanks for your time.