Bullying : A Tale Of Wickedness, Insensitivity And Consequencies

After reading my post “Parental ‘Bullying’ ” I felt the strong urge to do a post on the real act of wickedness called bullying. The strong urge came after reading a post of my blog follower who incidentally was a victim of bullying.

Image courtesy David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigital Photos

Image courtesy David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigital Photos

In my own case what we thought was parental “bullying” was actually “firm parental guidance” which a lot of children were not fortunate to grow up with and which has really helped me in my journey through life.

My friend’s(follower) post instantly reminded me of a 10 year old boy of blessed memory, who was bullied till he gave up the ghost. It was hell on earth for the boy on a daily basis, till we heard what we feared – he had passed away. Even convicts did not go through what the late young boy passed through in the hands of the mother…yes the mother.

There are many cases like this all over the world, especially in the homes and schools.  Relationships have also not been spared. Sometimes they end up in fatality – permanent deformity or death.

Interestingly, some parents do not even know that they are bullying their children. To them it is discipline. Would you call banging a child’s head on the wall discipline? Would you call sending a child to sleep out in the rain discipline? Is sending a child out to sleep in the dark discipline? Would you call rough-handling a child discipline? Or would you call giving a child a punch, slap, upper cut, kick or dragging a child on the ground discipline? The list of similar wicked acts is endless.

One thing I have tried as much as possible to do with my 4 years+ son is avoiding every act capable of making me appear as someone who is oppressing him because I have more strength than he does. I make him feel being disciplined and not bullied. I make him see his wrong doing. And very importantly, I don’t allow it to last too long before I draw him closer to myself, just like my parents did to us. This is to draw a huge line between hatred and discipline.

Sadly, some parents need a lot of counseling in this regard. So what they end up doing is making the child become hardened rather than remorseful. In extreme cases, you see a father and son throwing punches at each other. In other cases the child seeks for love and comfort outside. The child even develops other negative traits along the line.

Image courtesy imagerymajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy imagerymajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Bullying has also become common place in schools globally. In some cases, they end up in deaths. We hear of the senior students bullying the junior ones or the stronger or more privileged students bullying the weaker or lesser privileged  ones.

Offices are not spared of this inhuman practice. Employees in some organisations are just walking corpses because of the inhuman treatment they receive from their bosses and/or employers. Female employees are subjected to severe mental and physical exhaustion from superior officers.
Some are subjected to sexual harrasments from their bosses and/or employers.

One thing I noticed is that most people who bully are just playing out the crisis in their homes or letting us into their upbringing. It is very uncommon to find people from homes where their parents brought them up properly and showed them love, develope such wicked hearts that make them so insensitive to the pains of others. Similarly, parents who bully their kids obviously got the bad trait from somewhere.

However, what ever the origin of a bully’s wickedness, I strongly feel they are simply inviting the wrath of God and man, as well as attracting chain  consequences which will surely affect the bully in days/years to come, and which he might not be able to cope with.

And if you belief in “what goes around comes around” then it is obvious that the bully would get a pay-back sooner than expected.

Join me in saying “Stop the bully and avoid the wrath of God and man.”

Thanks for your time.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Parental ”Bullying”

I just finished watching “Locked up” – MSNBC’S prison documentary series. As usual, I always find the series thought-provoking. This particular episode took me back to memory lane.  So, I decided to share my thoughts with you, yes you !

Image courtesy Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy Ambro/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was born to a father and mother I grew up to fear and respect a lot, especially my late dad. Sadly, we did not enjoy some of the things that some of our friends enjoyed – no family car, no video player and sound system (imagine that!), no expensive new dresses and generally, no luxuries of life. Guess what? Some of these deprivations actually turned out to be the blocks that some friends of mine and some prison inmates worldwide used to build their ‘houses which is/are now crumbling upon them.’’

My late parents, especially my dad, were extremely strict. My dad was more – he was a ‘’bully’’- at least, that is how we saw him. I hated him so much for making life so difficult for us, especially me  – no opposite sex as friends ;no hanging out with friends; no parties; no drinking/smoking; no TV watching beyond 9pm; no this, no that. For each ‘’embargo’’, there was a ‘’good’’ reason to justify their stance. To us, it was ‘’parental bullying.’’ My late dad was fond of saying that patience was what we needed. However, the ’’right time’’ was constantly being pushed forward. Even after graduation and national service(as we have it in Nigeria), my restrictions remained intact. Wao!!!

In addition to these, they are/were the most honest humans I have ever known till date. According to dad, and I now understand, ‘’peace of mind is a priceless jewel.’’ Hmnnnn. It is with these principles that they ‘’ruled their kingdom.’’ Dad told us he had opportunities of becoming rich, but he preferred to work hard for his money. We thought he was ‘’foolish’’!!! Our thoughts on this started changing when we saw  other kids become ‘’fatherless’’ when their own daddies chose to be ‘’wise and smart.’’

They also brought us up to depend on God for everything we wanted, no matter how long it took for answers to come. They were too firm on this. As good leaders, they led by example. They were Mr & Mrs Perfect !!!

And then the moment came when I decided to grab freedom by force. I got my own place and moved out. I was like someone released from prison. I looked forward to exploring my newly acquired freedom. I looked forward to having a good time with girls; hanging out with friends and doing anything I wanted.

LIES !!! ILLUSION!!! This was/is the situation I found/and have found myself in the ‘’land of freedom.’’ What happened after I moved out is similar to what I discovered when I had my first son (to God be the glory). Each time we lay him face down and stretch his legs, he would fold them – the same position he was inside the womb for months. It was really interesting to watch. As it was, his system has gotten used to that folding of the legs. The same happened in the case of my beautiful daughter. They simply, unconsciously, did what they were used to doing for months before delivery. It took a lot of massaging and insistence to make them adjust to the new life.

This was, and has been my story. I am not claiming to be perfect, but with all my freedom, the first 27 years  of my life has impacted so much on me that I always feel my parents are watching me and telling me ‘’do’’ or ‘’don’t do’’ !!!

Today by the grace of God, I am married with kids. Our greatest asset is PEACE OF MIND. We may not be rich (we are certainly not poor), but we are happy and comfortable. All the things I learnt from my parents while growing up are intact and are my guide in all I do, especially in bringing up my kids. The fact is that those voices I heard for 27 years still re-echo very loudly.

One major advantage of those 27 years with my parents is that I have learnt what peace of mind is all about, and I will do anything to make it stay that way.

My younger ones are doing well too – free from societal vices – alcohol, drugs, crime(of all shades), womanizing, gansterism, and the like, which our parents guided us so firmly from. So I am able to concentrate on my family and not go to pull them out of one trouble or the other.

So, no doubt, you will agree with me if I thank my late parents in absentia, for ’’bullying’’ us.

So whether you are married or single, this are my thoughts – thoughts of gratitude…..for being ‘’bullied.’’

May their beautiful souls rest in perfect peace, amen.