“Interesting Blog Award” For Me?…Woww !!!

Interesting blog awardBlogging, and hard work generally, takes a lot from us – energy, time, money and other resources. One thing that really soothes one’s nerves and keeps one going when all these sacrifice are being “invested” is the beautiful and encouraging comments and prayers that greets one’s work.

I felt much more when I got THE VERSATILE BLOGGER AWARD. Big thanks to Tazein for the nomination.  However, when I got nominated for the INTERESTING BLOG AWARD by my friend @ terkinn.wordpress.com, I was tempted to believe that blogging was part of my divine calling 🙂

To my friend who nominated me, I say thanks a lot and God bless you much more and thumbs  up for your campaign against bullying. Big thanks to all the wonderful friends of my blog – those who liked my posts, those who followed my blog, those who linked my posts to theirs, those who commented, those who just read and those who reblogged my posts. Thanks a lot for the roles you played. God bless you all.

As part of the rules for acceptance, I have to list five random facts about myself :
1. I am a Nigerian
2. I am an Educationist with Business management as my specialty
3. God is responsible for all I am and all I have today
4. I am married with two beautiful angels
5. I love I.C.T to a fault

Also, I have to nominate five other blogs for this award. This is quite tough considering the wonderful blogs I have related with. But, after a serious mind-game, my nominees are:

1. http://spiritministries.wordpress.com
2. http://everydaypowerblog.com
3. http://highheelgourmet.com
4. http://lifeoutofthebox.com
5. http://talkingexperience.wordpress.com

Congratulations to you all. For those great blogs I did not nominate, please look out for my future nominations.

The answer to the questions I am asked are as follows:
1. To me, bullying is the oppressive use of power by someone, with obvious intention to create pain to, or fear in another person.
2. I think the Bible is both a book of love and a book of judgment because it preaches love and the consequences of man’s actions.
3.I do not agree with marriage equality because it can erode the leadership role of the man in the house with the tendency to create a two-master situation in the house.
4. Bullying legislation is needed everywhere, including where I live, to check the activities of bullies.
5. Bullying should never ever be justified because it will give more power to mean and heartless individuals.

As part of the condition for acceptance of this award, my nominee must answer the following questions:
1. Do you support nudity in ladies? Why?
2. Do you support sagging among young men? Why?
3. Do you smoke? Why?
4. Do you belief in prayers?
5. What is your blog focused on?

Rules for the acceptance of this award are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you
2. List five random facts about you
3. Nominate a minimum of five blogs for the award
4. Answer the five questions and ask nominees 5 questions of your choice
5. Let them know you have nominated them

Once more, big thanks to T.K and all the friends of my blog.

Related post :
The Versatile Blogger Award

Train Up A Child In The Way That He should Go…

Growing up for me was pretty tough. I (with my siblings) was brought up by parents who believed so much in the fact that “he that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him…”(Prov 13:24)

After working with children for more than 14 years, I have come to realise that indeed, as a parent, true love to a child was not all about giving a child the best material things in life, but actually giving a child the best home training, which is actually an “insurance policy” against headaches and heart aches for both the child and the parents in future. Good home training have also been discovered, without a doubt, to be much more durable than material things.

Two weeks ago, I was opportune to be part of an interview panel that interviewed a number of boys and girls who were seeking admission into a secondary school. One of the kids who came before me was an adorable ten year old boy who displayed the same traits like his siblings who were already in that school, namely, humility, respect, very good line of thought and reasoning and above all, his knowledge of God. I know a child who is acting up when I see one. This boy, like his siblings, was simply who he was portraying – a very good boy from a very good home where proper home training seemed to be a top priority.

On the flip side, it is very interesting to hear of mothers who do not allow their daughters to enter the kitchen – all in the name of being rich enough  to afford the services of house helps. What about some parents who encourage their kids to disrespect everybody. They have so deeply sown the seed of pride in their kids that they see everybody else as people that should not be treated with respect. Some years ago, a twelve year old girl( or there about), told me how she used to curse and kick their house help, who was even older than her mother – all to the knowledge of her parents !!!

Interestingly, some children who are engaged in indecent dressing do so on the full approval of the parents. Without a doubt, some of these clothes are bought for them by their parents !!! For boys who sag, I refuse to believe that most of the parents whose kids sag, are not aware of it. Not only this, with the parents “consent,” children freely use foul language, disregard hard work, keep bad peer groups … and completely relegate God to insignificance.

The word of God further says : “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6). Experience has proved, beyond all reasonable doubt, that the relegation of this beautiful Bible verse to insignificance, is a major factor behind most of the problems we have today in families, schools, society and globally.

So, while it is still possible, let u’s train up our children in the way that they should go…

Thanks for your time.

Related post :

What are we teaching our children?

The arduous task of parenting in the 21st century

Your Career And Your Family … Which One Comes First ?

Image courtesy Sura Nualpradid/FreeDigitalPhotos.net/

Image courtesy Sura Nualpradid/FreeDigitalPhotos.net/

He’s fifteen. At that tender age, he has already assumed the huge responsibility of being a mother and a father to three kids. He bathes, feeds, takes care of them and takes them to school. He also teaches them “what he knows.”

Before you begin to wonder if he is an hermaphrodite, let me quickly tell you that this little father-mother is just a house help !!!
This is a real life story and not fiction. Similar stories are found everywhere, except in my home 🙂 There is one bad thing about making money – it makes you forget that there are some things it cannot buy. A child from a very wealthy home once said to me out of frustration, “I have everything, except parental love.” Her parents are never around. They leave very early for work and come back very late at night. Even when they are around, it’s still work-work-work !!! For her, everything she knows comes from outsiders. Mummy or daddy have no time to teach her anything. Fun? That it is a different issue entirely – no outings as a family, no sitting down and watching TV together, no parent-child playing together and no sign of having parents !
Between couples, the inability of  a man or woman to maintain a good balance between work and the family has led to strained relationships/marriages and divorce in extreme cases. Some cases of staying out late into the nights, eating out  and adultery are also traceable to the inability to strike a balance between giving your career the best attention it deserves and at the same time, not making one’s family to be deprived of care, love, and attention. Hey! Where ever we go, we still need to go back home. So, it is compulsory that  in all that we do, the home front has to be given a well-deserved attention.
A man’s regular presence in the house cannot be over emphasised. His presence provides a psychological security for his family, plays a major role in discipline, reduces or eliminates the tendency towards adultery, reduces the tendency for the children to “learn” from outside the family and keeps the family bond strong. It also teaches the male children how to be a good family man in future. This, I learnt from my late dad 🙂 For me, the best thing about closing time at work is that not too long I would be with my family. It is the best place to unwind after a hard day’s work 🙂 Even when I have to go and unwind after work, I go with my lovely family, who would not even spare my phone lines as soon as it is time for me to be at home, and I am not there.
My late mum’s friend’s marriage almost hit the rocks when the lady resigned from the public service for a very lucrative bank job. The huge salary she got replaced the happy family she once had. Having a good time with her family stopped. Cooking for the family stopped. Playing with the children stopped. Having time for her husband stopped. In fact, the female house help “took over” the house. She was lucky the maid did not take over her husband too 🙂 When she noticed that her marriage and family were heading towards a collapse, she had to make a quick and hard decision – her career or her family? She chose her family !!!
Which one would you have chosen? 🙂
Thanks for you time

Related posts :

The arduous task of parenting in the 21st century

Divorce and separation : The fate of children

Blaming the devil for our decisions

What are we teaching our children

Girls…Zip Up !!!

Image source : mediflip.com

Image source : mediflip.com

In my last post on teenage pregnancy, I wrote about a teenager who was “reaping” the consequences of teenage pregnancy. I did promise to look at the topic again as I strongly felt that there were still other issues to be looked into on the topic.

I was not really prepared to write, as I needed a strong inspiration to do so. This eventually came a few days ago.

I felt really sad when I over heard a guy telling his friends how he slept with a “cheap girl” several times and the girl still wanted more. Apparently, there was no prior relationship between the two. He simply met her somewhere and convinced her to follow him home, As he narrated his “use and dump” story, his friends had a good laugh. Like a sheep destined to be “slaughtered” the “victim” came around again while I was still close by. The guy’s body language clearly showed that it was the same girl that came around. Unknown to her, she was just another victim of “use, dump, re-use and dump…!!!”

This sad story accounts for majority of the teenage pregnancies that we have today. A situation where it takes very little effort to convince a girl to “open her legs,” apart from being very appalling, makes the large number of cases of teen pregnancies, inevitable.

I may not be a saint, but I think that one of the most degrading characters a teenage girl (other ages are not exempted) can have is the tendency to turn herself into a “public convenience” where every guy is invited. It’s really a pathetic sight to watch guys share their sexual experience with a particular girl. Some girls find it so hard to say “no.” Often times, financial inducement is not necessary. In some cases, a guy’s smile is enough, to put a girl on bed. Such girls can sleep with every guy that is willing. How pathetic ! How shameless !!!

The common and inevitable aftermath of all these is unwanted pregnancies, denied pregnancies, abortions, damaged wombs, complete collapse of self control, getting and “distribution” of sexually transmitted diseases, especially HIV/AIDS and sometimes death !!!

Food for thought : What kind of wives would such girls later become. I feel really sorry for good guys who would eventually marry such loose and unprincipled girls, who would definately do everything possible to cover up their strong penchant for promiscuity. But can a woman hide childlessness? It is a settled fact that some cases of childlessness in marriages are traceable to abortion, sexually transmitted diseases and some “prevention” drugs – all of which characterised the pre-marriage days of the affected women !!!

So, girls…Zip up !!!

A word is enough for the wise.

Thanks for your time.

Related posts :

There is a voice behind every dressing

Blaming the devil for our actions

The dream killer called ‘teenage pregnancy”

How Powerful Can Words Be?

Two weeks ago, I was at a meeting where tempers rose because of the choice of words used which angered one of those that presided over the meeting. At a point, I thought it would lead to something more complicated. It did not. It took words – the right words – to calm down tempers.

This week, it happened again. This time, it was even more serious – words also caused the rise in tempers. Again, it took words – the right words, from the same person – to calm down tempers. Instantly, I crowned her the “Gifted Mediator” and one with the “Gift of words” 🙂

Words are indeed very powerful. One unique thing about it is that once released, they cannot be recalled. So, it implies that one has to be very careful with words. Words can bring peace in relationships, marriage or even a country. Similarly, words can cause a lot of confusion, scatter relationships and even cause war in a country or between countries.

Words need not be too many to have far-reaching effects. Simple words like “I am sorry,” “excuse me,” “please,” or “please forgive me,” have been known to have both positive or negative results, depending on whether they were said or not.

Bottom line : words require a lot of caution since they cannot be recalled once released. Sometimes, they behave like bad messengers – doing far more than you had in mind when you released them.

Thanks for your time.

Dedication : This post is dedicated to a wonderful “Gifted Mediator” who is blessed with the “Gift of Words” (identity withheld). Her near-perfect choice of words under different circumstances led to this post. I salute you madam.

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Hand Over Your “Battles” To God

Source : quotediary.me

She’s 28. She is light complexioned “beauty queen.” She has a very good job. Life is really good for her. She has a very reliable fiance, with whom they have already concluded plans to go and say “I do, I do”. She would pass for anything you would call a happy and lucky lady.

In the middle of all these “good news” is a very sad aspect of her life – her boss is making life miserable for her. According to her, he insist on sleeping with her if she wants to continue working in the bank. She’s confused. She loves her job. She does not want to be a prostitute by exchanging her body for job security. She does not want to cheat on her fiance. What should she do?

There are similar battles everywhere – home, school, office, place of residence and even in the church. There are some battles that are hard to fight. This particular one is one of them. The tendency is for the lady to consider the good job and scarcity of such jobs and therefore want to give in.

The good news is that there is no battle that God cannot make the “strong men” appear like a human beings without skeletons. He has shown His awesome power in the most unimaginable situations. Hallelujah !!!

I call Exodus 14 “My Comforter.” This chapter often brings tears to my eyes every time I read it (even as I do this post). It’s a familiar story – a story of “hopelessness turned into testimony.” With the Red Sea in front and thousands of Egyptian warriors behind, God told Moses to tell the seemingly hopeless Isrealites : “Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward..”(Exodus 14:15). That really sounds stupid, with the reality on ground. But “…the Lord saved Israel that day out of the hand of the Egyptians; and Israel saw the Egyptians dead upon the sea shore. And Israel saw that great work which the Lord did upon the Egyptians: and the people feared the Lord, and believed the Lord, and his servant Moses.”(Exo 14:30-31)

Goliath was another oppressor who thought that size, power and weapons were more potent than the word and power of God. Everybody doubted David’s ability to confront, let alone destroy the giant. But David said “…moreover, The Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Sam17:37) God did !!!

This is basis of my recommendation – God has shown His awesome wisdom and power in my “battles” in the past and so I can confidently tell the lady here to hand over her battles to God and enjoy the last laugh !!!

Because God fought for the Israelites and David, their stories ended up with testimonies. I have many to share myself. So, when “oppression” shows its ugly face, take up David’s attitude :

“Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied. ” (1 Sam 17:45)

Looking forward to reading your testimonies.

Thanks for your time.

 

Related posts :

Storms of life Vs Man….Who wins?

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Promotion Comes From God…Not Man !

d-best-is-yet-to-com.jpgIn 2006, I applied for the post of a Manager of a company here in Lagos, Nigeria. I was put through verbal and written tests. I recall being asked to write an essay on Business Management. I did my best and left. I told God to have His way. I like praying like that a lot because “there is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death”-(Prov 16:25).

Interestingly, the Assistant General Manager of the company turned out to be a graduate of my former school and also a graduate of Business Administration and Management, just like me. With these coincidence, I concluded that the job was actually mine.

It took a long time before I got a formal response from the company. And when I finally did, it was to have a discussion with the Managing Director. There, I heard a very stunning revelation.

Unknown to the AGM, the MD had already sighted my interview file, which included the essay I wrote and which he (the MD) was so impressed about. On his (MD’s) return, my file had disappeared. The AGM actually hid my file, probably to pave way for his own candidate. But the MD said when he threatened fire and brimstone, my hidden file surfaced !

My friend, I got the job ! In fact, a tussle ensued between this company and another that also wanted me. I felt like a hot cake 🙂

My story is common place – injustice and deprivations – all in the name of someone trying to prove that he or she is greater than God. What most “powerful” people always forget is that God is the begining and end of promotion. He has the power to switch positions in seconds. 1 Sam 16:1 says : “And the Lord said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? Fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to Jesse the Bethlehemite: for I have provided me a king among his sons.” The AGM was actually fired eventually. He never thought things could happen so fast the way it did. But it did.

God does not look at size, age, academic qualification, years of experience or family background, when he wants to promote. Compare man and God here : “And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on Eliab, and said, Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him. But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” – (1 Sam 16:6-7)

NO HUMAN BEING knows how God determines who to bless or promote. Sometimes his choice is the unimagineable. See what happened to Joseph before he became Governor in Egypt : “And Joseph’s master took him, and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were bound: and he was there in the prison.
But the Lord was with Joseph, and shewed him mercy, and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison.” – (Gen 39:20-21)

It is a very dangerous arrogance to question God’s choice. The AGM did it and was disgraced and fired. What about the scar he left on my mind! “For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.” – (Psa 75:6-7)

Forever man will be man; and God will be God !!!

“Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of his power.”- (Ephe 3:7)

Thanks for your time.

Related posts :

Withholding what belongs to God

Transient nature of power  

When you seek help from man

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Blaming The Devil For Our Decisions…

Consider these. A man is arrested for armed robbery and then interrogated. He is asked why he went into robbery and he responds : “it is the devil’s work.”

A happily married man soon starts to date another woman outside. The woman eventually gets pregnant and the once happy family is thrown into sorrow. When asked why he went into adultery, in tears, he says “it’s the work of the devil.”

Another woman who is also happily married, is caught, by the husband, making love with his brother. The two of them push the blame on the “devil.”

A young, very responsible, and promising girl suddenly took ill. A test is ran on her and it is discovered that she
was two months pregnant. “Why did you do this to me?!” the mother yelled. “Am sorry mummy. It’s the work of the devil.”

A medical student, who was seen as “The best surgeon in the making” was caught by the mother sniffing cocaine in his room. A search in his room revealed that he had a gun cleverly concealed in his boot. He later confessed to have joined a secret cult back in school. When asked why he was into drugs and cultism, he said it was the “work of the devil”

A powerful pastor brings his world crumbling upon him when he impregnated a 16 year old. He, too, blamed it on the devil.

It’s usually funny when I hear or read such responses. In fact, it’s so easy to predict cos they are very common. A few questions here : Do we have choices when that inner voice of temptation speaks to us ? The answer is “YES.” Would we be beaten or killed if we say “No” to that devilish inner voice? The answer is “NO.” Can the devil speak or act through someone rather than come as an inner voice? The obvious answer is “YES.” Can we resist the devil in whatever form it comes? The answer is “YES.” Is tepmptation normal? The obvious answer is “YES.”

Temptation is normal and comes every now and then. No one is above it. If our Lord Jesus can be tempted, then who are we? Matt 4:1 has it that: “Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.” However, unlike human beings, our Lord did not allow the “sweet tongue” of the devil to make Him fall for its temptation. “Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.”(Matt 4:11).

In resisting the devil, our Lord used the scriptures to fight the temptation. One of such words of God was : “Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve”-(Matt 4:10). That’s a big lesson for us christians. The word of God is also a weapon of war !!!

So, it follows that we fall for temptation when we submit ourselves to the “offer” made by the devil, in whatever form it comes. You will notice that for every temptation that comes our way, there is always this good thing or picture that the devil puts before us – something to lure us into falling for the “plot.” It could be wealth; it could be the “enjoyment” derived from sex; it could be power or fame; promotion in the office; or it could be good grades in school… name it – the list is endless. For our Lord, the devil “taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.” Woww ! This is really tempting. But hey !! Did you think the devil would have kept its promise? Never ! The devil is a master of deceiver !!! How many people has the devil successfully tempted and “blessed” without spicing up the blessing with sorrow and unpalatable conditions???

What the devil always does is to hide the consequences of its offer. It hides the full picture of its “offer,” and instead gives us good reasons why we must accept the “offer.”

Remember the devil’s “sweet words” to Eve : “And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil”-(Gen 3:4-5).
But because Eve did not see the devil as a master deceiver and because the devil gave “good” reasons why she must fall, she “saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat – (Gen 3:6).

And just like we do today “the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.” – (Gen 3:13). As it usually does, the devil did not tell Eve of the impending danger that will befall her and generations unborn, for flouting the orders of God at the garden of Eden. Sadly, you and I and every human being is “enjoying” the outcome of Eve’s inability to say “NO!!!” To the devil.

However, our Lord has already taught us what to do when temptation comes : “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”- (James 4:7-8)

God bless us all.

Related post:

Beware of the banana peel

Girls And Greed !!!

Source : mediflip.com

Source : mediflip.com

I just received this joke on my blackberry messenger : Maths Gone Wrong!!!  A bank manager confused with his maths, asked his secretary to help out: “I have N23,000,000. What will you take off to get 25%?”

She replied “Sir, honestly I will take off my blouse, my skirt, my bra even my panties” 🙂 :).  It sounds funny, but it brings to the fore a very serious societal/global problem – GREED !!!

Greed cuts across gender, race, location and forms. But the one I really want to address here is greed among girls/ladies.

Recently, we read about the horrible story of three female undergraduates. Weather real or imaginary, one cannot overlook the alarming rate of greed among girls these days. Gory news have ceased to scare or deter these die-hard girls from their “runs.” Pastors and high-handedness of some parents have equally failed to stem theses escapades. University campuses have been turned to business centers where we have alarming cases of sex-for-money, sex-for-material things or sex-for-grades.

No wonder I once worked with an accounting graduate who could not draw up a simple Trading Account. No wonder, a medical doctor cannot handle a simple malaria case. No wonder a mechanical engineer does not know the difference between a brake pedal and a clutch pedal. No wonder a teacher cannot teach unless she reads a written material and then and explains what she has read. No wonder a lawyer cannot argue cases successfully in court. No wonder…No wonder..

This sad trend transcends the campuses into the larger society. The craze to “belong” and to be a “big babe” has reduced girls to cheap prostitutes. To make matters worse, secondary school girls have been bitten by the bug. Soon, they will “graduate” to the next level when they enter the university.

It is an open secret that girls use the best of phones, especially the blackberry, most of which are “payments for services rendered.” One opened up that she did not buy her Blackberry Torch with her own money – as if I did not know.

The most interesting aspect of all these is the contribution of parents! Why would my daughter live beyond my provisions and I appear unconcerned? Why should a parent actually send their daughter to go and collect money from one “money-bag” that they hardly know? Why would a parent be unconcerned about the kind of friends that their daughters keep. Why do parents shy away from paying their children, especially the girls, surprise visits on their campuses?

Levi 19: 29 says : “Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a shore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.” “For a whore is a deep ditch; and a strange woman is a narrow pit. She also lieth in wait as for a prey, and increaseth the transgressors among men.” (Prov 23:27-28).

As these “big babes” forge ahead with their “trade”, they persuade their friends and onlookers, directly or indirectly, to join their “runs.” They flaunt their “rewards” before all that care to look and give you dozens of reasons to justify their actions. Prov 7: 25-27 says : “Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths. For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her. Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death.”

One thing greed usually does is to “blind’ its victims and equally make them ‘deaf ‘to words that would pull the off its firm claws. In the end, when catastrophe strikes, the victim is left all alone to be comforted, in most cases, by regrets, blames and sorrow. However, in some cases, the victim never has the opportunity to tell her story.

Right now, the National Agency for Prohibition of Traffic in Persons and Other Related Matters (NAPTIP) has been on the trail of human traffikers, who have succeeded in traffiking many greedy Nigerian girls into prostitution abroad. Sadly, some of these girls may never see their families again!

Even though my post could just be like dropping a pin in a very busy market, I leave you with the words of God : “The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul…”(Prov 15:31-32)

A word is enough for the wise !

Thanks for your time and have a blissful Easter.

Related posts :

What are we teaching our children

The arduous task of parenting in the 21st century

There is a voice behind every dressing

Dealing With Post-Divorce-Syndrome

it wont rain 4 everI am very sorry if you have read about my parents before in other blog post of mine. It is just that they provide me a readily available case study of some of life’s issues that I have addressed in my blog. One of which is a very thorny issue – divorce !

Growing up with, and living with them for twenty seven years of my life made life always (back then) seem so simple and without challenges. They, like I noted in one of my post, were the most sincere, honest and good-hearted humans I have ever known. They abhorred bad things like no other person I have ever known. My dad did not smoke, drink, club, keep late nights or womanise. My mum, as a wife, made marriage appealing to me, even at a very young age. The are my role models for life.

Thus, as a husband, my dad was the best. His life style made us have a “wrong” impression about relationships/marriage – we were made to see relationship/marriage as a union of two people ordained by God to live with each other happily ever after. My mum too returned the “gesture” by carrying herself as a wife should, judging from what our pastors used to preach then about family life and all the films we used to watch on TV dealing with family life – humility from the woman, honesty and sincerity, assisting the man, shunning infidelity, trust for my dad, respect for my dad, doing to my dad what she would want my dad to do to her, and much more. I saw all of this play out in their marriage and our home. It was a wonderful place to grow up.

However, as we were gradually released to the larger society, I soon discovered that marriage went beyond what I saw at home. I got to know that indeed, it was possible for a blissful and envied union to go sour just like a very delicious soup could suddenly become uneatable. It became very hard to belief that a couple that loved each other so much and decided to live together for life, could both stand in a court room and consent to the fact that the marriage had broken down over irreconcilable differences.  At that moment, nothing is important other than the final pronouncement of the judge that it was all over. Not even the post-divorce fate of the children, if any, is important at that moment. And then the much-awaited pronouncement comes….and it is all over !!!

And then what follows???

What follows is better imagined than experienced.  I call the aftermath of a divorce POST-DIVORCE-SYNDROME. Please do not Google this as you might not find an exact search result. I put the words together to describe all the pains, bitterness, trauma, feeling of disappointment, regret, frustration, anger, confusion, destabilisation, sicknesses, constant tears, loneliness, emotional wreckage and break down, disappointment in God and even death resulting from health complications that may follow the divorce.

Come on!!! The tale of woe enumerated above must not be allowed to have their way, especially death, which is very possible. But they are there – waiting to consume the divorcee. There they are, without listening ears.  One cannot tell them not to come. They keep coming. One takes over the divorcee, over powers him/her and beckons on another, and then another, until the divorcee becomes inconsolable.

No doubt, when the divorcee is told to “deal” with the situation, you keep hearing stuffs like “it’s not easy.” Yes! I know it’s not easy. But YOU MUST DEAL WITH THE SITUATION BEFORE IT DEALS WITH YOU, BIG TIME!!! Simple ! If the divorcee however says “what do I do?” ; then I can say “now you are talking!”

A friend of mine went through her post-divorce-syndrome with a fighter’s approach. Her attitude was four-fold : firstly, she had to stay strong  and stay alive for her kids ; secondly, her husband must not be given the joy of laughing over her misery after all that he did that led to the divorce and thirdly, all the tale of woe enumerated above have no ears. You cannot tell them to go back or not to “deal” with you. Fourthly, life just had to go on, even though, seemingly, in a dark tunnel. But the point that could not be taken from her was that the dark tunnel had an end, and how long she would spend in the tunnel ENTIRELY DEPENDED ON HER !!!

I really admire her courage and fighting spirit. Today, she seems to be far better than when she was in the troubled marriage. She looks prettier, calm and happier and has re-focused towards a better future. In fact, her attitude helped the kids a lot to absorb the reality of their new family situation. There is no doubt that as a human being, the thought of the divorce would creep in once in a while, but like I do when the recent death of my sister, who died during child birth, comes to my mind, she “arrests” the thought immediately.  It has to be arrested. If not, it takes over the whole being. The fact that she runs her own business has also helped a lot. Being busy has really helped the recovery and healing process. She is also the out-going type – friendly and love outings a lot. Divorcees need to fill their minds always with things that interests them and make them happy – things that nourish the flesh, body and mind. It is more like tapping into the saying that “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.”

Come on !!! There are so many divorcees that have moved on. In fact, some, like my friend, are grateful to God for the divorce or separation. Do you know that there are marriages/relationships that are not approved by God? Proverbs 16:25 says :  “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”  And in Proverbs 21:2 we read that : “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.”

Do you also know that there are some marriages that should not have taken place  in the first place?   Some marriages are simply errors ! Praying regularly can free one from the “land of bondage.”  For some, divorce ( or separation) brings in fresh air not felt while the marriage lasted. For some, divorce, unknowingly, could just be the key that was needed for a spectacular breakthrough that had long been delayed.

And hey !! I know divorcees that have re-married, moved on and later discovered why God “master-minded” the divorce. They later discover that all the tears were actually “good riddance to bad rubbish!”  I am actually talking from a personal experience. I had four and half years of my life wasted by a “smooth operator.” I kept praying and committing the relationship into God’s hands when I noticed the “hand writing on the wall.” At His appointed time, He revealed to me that I was actually planning to marry a “mistake!” I have been married for about six years now and can confidently say that separation/divorce could just be a saving grace from God.

Divorce, though painful, should be seen as one of life’s many battles. Humans are supposed to think their way out of them and not allow them to swallow us up. I have been through a traumatic separation before. I simply refused it to consume me; and I know people who have moved on by dealing with the post-divorce-syndrome.

So, are you a divorcee or do you know one? Please give them my message – deal with the problem, or it will deal with you, big time….this can also include death !!!

Thanks  for your time.

DEDICATION….

This post is a special dedication to my friend Wanderlustryramblings and another lady(names withheld for confidentiality), who has been a great source of inspiration to me. This is wishing the two of you and affected visitors to my blog, the fastest post-divorce healing ever.

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Divorce : The fate of children

Handling outsider involvement in marriages

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