Cases of divorce are very common globally today, being the aftermath of a number of factors ranging from infidelity, dwindling finances, lack of contentment, intolerance, unsubmissiveness on the part of the woman, arrogance of the husband, amongst others. In some cases, legally processed divorces are not the case, but a mere walk-out by either the man or the woman. And in some cases, what you have is what I will call in-house divorce/separation – a situation where the spouses live together, and do not communicate with each other. In all, one thing is obvious – the once happy home is no more!!!
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Look at it this way: before things go awry, there was this moment when the man and woman loved each other so much that they gathered people together to come and see them tie the nuptial knots. Meaning : if we reverse the ‘’hands of behavior’’ backwards, it is possible for things to return to normalcy if the spouse(s) involved is WILLING. If this is true, then there should not be divorces except very very serious issues are involved such as that which exposes a spouse’s life to danger, like possible man slaughter. Biblically, except for adultery, divorce is not allowed.
However, this has not been the case in many cases. A young man once told me that he was ending the relationship because his spouse was ‘‘unsubmissive and talks back at him’’. Then I asked him, if there was a time when all was well. He answered in the affirmative. Then I said the solution was not separation but that two of them should trace back their relationship and take corrective actions because there is no perfect relationship anywhere. I want to be quoted on this. Some people see the pre-divorce turbulent period as a dark tunnel which can only be brought to an end only by a divorce. The question is: is it always the case? Does divorce guarantee light at the end of the dark tunnel.
My sojourn in the academia has been very beneficial in many fronts. One of the greatest benefits is my exposure to all kinds of children – yes I mean all kinds of children – the intelligent, average, weak, very weak, children with disabilities, emotionally balanced and those that are emotionally traumatized.
It is very interesting to note that most of the students that I have had to have a chat with for having moral or academic challenges were those whose parents had SEPARATED OR DIVORCED or their marriage was on the verge of collapse.
One of my former students once said: ‘’how can I concentrate when my parents are always fighting.” Another who I noticed was always absent minded in class once told me what I feared: ‘’her parents were divorced and home was no more home sweet home.’’ Another who was always in a bad mood told me that their home was a war zone on a daily basis. The kids of my former neighbor always spent their time in my apartment. The reason is not far-fetched – daddy comes back late, since he was always fighting with the mum; even when he returns late, as he usually does, it is fighting all through the night. A prostitute once said that the abandonment of their once happy home by the dad pushed her into the streets. If you checked the confessions of most of the street kids, armed robbers and other criminals, one fact is common – they are mostly products of broken or troubled homes. Take and examine ten emotionally disturbed and traumatised children. More than five cases will be the aftermath of troubled homes.
No doubt, the absence of that father figure, no matter how poor he may be, in any home tells a lot about what eventually becomes of that child in future. Any man who says he can bring up his kids alone without their motherly love and attention should give his views a second thought. And it is usually time that proves each person right or wrong.
What about the prolonged emotional problems that creep in for both spouses, with each wearing an all-is-well face. What about families’ and societal perception of the new status of both spouses. It is no hidden fact that some remarriages sometimes end up in friction and disunity with a long list of commonly found unpleasant consequences. If you say divorce cases sometimes end ‘’well’’ it will definitely be that there was no child between them.
So wherein lays the light at the end of the dark tunnel which divorce, separation or in-house separation was meant to bring about. What I see instead is a continuation of the dark tunnel, which in most cases eventually turns into a darker tunnel.
The summary of my submission is this : spouses should ALWAYS give priority to the effects of their actions on their innocent children. They deserve to be happy like every other child, secured and free from trauma, and assured of a blissful tomorrow. The spouses too deserve marital bliss as planned out by God. For this to be so spouses should swallow the humble pie and always remember their MARRIAGE VOWS, and above all be PRAYERFUL.
Wishing you a blissful marriage and an enviable family.
Thanks for your time.
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Dealing with post-divorce-syndrome